Tuesday, 18 August 2009


I've managed to persuade precocious Corrie five year old Simon Barlow (right) to fill in a question and answer form for me!

The enfant terrible of the street has baffled viewers with his IQ of 197. He could hold his own in conversations with previous thespian types who have walked the cobbles such as Sir Ian McKellen and, ahem, Joanna Lumley.

These are some of his views.

Q: How old are you, Simon?

A: Age is such a figurative concept. Indeed, our physical physiognomy changes over the years but our inner being is mercurial. To me, age is irrelevant.

Q: Do you enjoy working on Coronation Street?

A: I enjoy work in that it is a challenge. It is refreshing to be among actors, although some of them are a little shallow as people. Still, of course, even the dull and ignorant have their story. Hopefully, my time on The Street (as it is known) will be a platform upon which I can build my real ambitions.

Q: What are your real ambitions?

A: I strive. Every day, I strive. One should never be content with one's lot. In some way, I want to act. There are not many openings for real actors in this day and age, which is rather sad. I want to do my real work as an actor in the fringe theatre, but one has to pay the bills so one may have to look into other options. I also strive to be a sculptor, and to carry on the work done by Henry Moore. However, these are just the tip of the iceberg of my ambitions, if one wants to mix metaphors. Ha ha!

Q: Is it frustrating to be typecast as a "Coronation Street star" at such an early age?

A: Au contraire, because I am so young my whole life is ahead of me. I can throw aside the so called typecasting and become myself! As I said before, age is irrelevant but one should strive to change throughout life so that one is like shifting sands. In this way, one is not "typecast"!

Q: How do you intend to change like shifting sands?

A: The phrase "Renaissance Man" is not in use so much nowadays, but I intend to become a Renaissance Man. I want to act, to sculpt, to paint, to compose, to study, to save lives. It is my ambition to surprise people and to innovate. In that way, one can never become dull!

Q: What do you intend to study?

A: At present the ideas are very vague, but I certainly intend to get into the Sorbonne by the age of eight at the latest. The child maths prodigy Ruth Lawrence is a huge inspiration to me. She understood, and controlled, the beauty of mathematics. Perhaps I will study mathematics! The Greek approach to mathematics is a constant source of fascination to me. If only today's culture were like the Greek culture!

Q: Do you have an interest in the modern arts - for instance, pop music?

A: Ah, I have arguments with other people about popular culture all of the time! It is so vacuous! Why should one listen to the thumping gibberish of a modern popular music star such as Madonna when one could be awed and lose oneself in the works of Rimsky-Korsakov? The actor who plays Peter Barlow is trying to persuade me to listen to the music of the popular group Animal Collective, and tells me that they will change my pre-conceptions about popular music. He says that we must go to see them at Manchester Academy (a venue) when they next perform! They have been described as "challenging" and "innovative" which certainly appeals to me. Well - we shall see!

Q: What are you reading at the moment?

A: I am reading Homer's Odysseus in the original language. Therein lies its true power and ability to shock and inspire us - still.

Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule, Simon!


MJ said...

The phrase "Renaissance Man" is not in use so much nowadays, but I intend to become a Renaissance Man. I want to act, to sculpt, to paint, to compose, to study, to save lives. It is my ambition to surprise people and to innovate. In that way, one can never become dull!

Are you really Hugh Laurie?

Morton Shadow said...

"I want to act, to sculpt, to paint, to compose, to study, to save lives."

No mention there that I can see of wanting to design a helicopter several centuries before the invention of the first man-powered flying craft - jumped oop little toerag - calls his self a Ruddy Renaissance Man, does he????


(I see the use of multi-coloured text is catching on Bettsters...)



Scarlet-Blue said...

So he hasn't yet received the script that says he's to be sent to his room to play tapes for the next five years?

KAZ said...

Is Peter Barlow a ventriloquist?
Oh no - he wouldn't know a word like physiognomy would he?

Simon Barlow said...

MJ - I have been informed that Hugh Laurie is some sort of television personality. I don't follow popular culture becaue, as I have previously said, I find it shallow and tedious. The only remotely "modern" fellow I admire is Stephen Fry. God, I adore him.

Betty said...

Morton - I'm sure that Simon is designing aircraft that will be able to fly us back in time and forward several centuries to the very outer limits of the cosmos EVEN AS I TYPE. Don't write him off yet. As for the coloured text - well, when I was typing I forgot that I'd need to use lighter colours to show up against a black background. Apparently you're not supposed to use a black background because it's too difficult to read. Well, I think we are both pioneers who are breaking ranks with that particular rule ... or summat.

Scarlet - it's going to be difficult to break it to him. Even worse, when he emerges he will be A Moody Coronation Street Teenager and could even become the new David Platt. Yikes.

Kaz - Simon does look like a ventriloquist's dummy, doesn't he? I'm sure if Peter was doing the voices he would've had Simon reading out the odds for the 3.15 race at Uttoxeter.

MJ said...

Over here in The Colonies, The Street has just rung in the New Year ... 2009, that is.

The single most vomit-inducing scene I've seen lately was Molly giving Tyrone a back massage.

I haven't been that disturbed since finding Deirdre in bed with Dev.


WithinWithout said...

I must say that I pioneered the black blog with the colored type, MJ...

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