Monday, 15 June 2009

DON'T IT MAKE YOUR BROWN EYES BLUE

Bernie Nolan

Ever since Awful Mollie's Auntie Pam turned up in The Street she has cast a shadow of inertia and low level misery over the cobbles :(

Her nylon anoraks, the enormous patent plastic mock snakeskin shopping bag she smuggles past-its-sell-by-date luncheon meat in and her Nolan Sisters hairdo (the standard hairdo which was inflicted on any woman who visited a provincial hairdresser from 1974-1983 inclusive) ... all of these things in themselves would be enough to send the viewer into a vague depression.

Far worse though, her character gets involved in all of the feeblest plots on the street, brings out the worst in writers and she is most closely associated with Corrie's other least likeable characters (Awful Mollie and her Village Of The Damned eyes and relentless jauntiness! Gormless mouth breather Tyrone, nearer to an ape than a human being! No wonder poor Jack Duckworth takes such long extended leaves of absence these days).

Last week's Pam went on a double date with Bill Webster, Gabrielle "Nick Drake's sister" Drake and some bloke who looked as if he could have been in a second rate 1950's British comedy film alongside Ian Carmichael and Pat Coombs.

Pam was pretending to be a concert pianist in order to impress 1950's man and Gabrielle "Nick Drake's sister" Drake.

The script was so awful that I actually started to feel sorry for Pam. I'm sure that at some point she said "oooooooh, Brahms and Liszt!" in a pseudo posh accent.

Perhaps it's time for Pam to go back to her day job in The Nolan Sisters.

Co-incidentally, The Nolans are undertaking a 17 date tour of Britain. They will be hitting all the high spots - Talk Of The Town in Middlesbrough and Weston Super Mare's Winter Gardens among them. Book early to avoid disappointment!!

14 comments:

MJ said...

"Awful Mollie and her Village Of The Damned eyes"

Thank you for saying it.

I was absolutely freaked out by her eyes just the other day, in fact.

lom said...

The eyes have it, at least they will for Kevin if what I have heard is right.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Yeah, Kevin has gone a bit weird.
Rosie's eyes have gone a bit odd as well.. she must come from the same village... she really did look like a vampire last night... so what do you reckon she's going to do with the dosh?
And yes I did once have a flicky Nolan cut...
Sx

lom said...

she is going to buy into the factory. Kevin has a fling with Molly, ooops have I spoilt it now?

Betty said...

MJ - I bet if you make eye contact with her for more than a couple of seconds you turn into a zombie.

Scarlet - Rosie's eyes, Rosie's weird mouth and vile personality - ugh. I had the Nolans hairdo as well, but mine was very flyaway and I ended up looking like one of those child murder victims you used to get in the 1970's.

Lom - I had a vague idea that Kevin was getting a bit friendly with Molly. Ugh, I hope there aren't many graphic scenes. Even the thought of those two slobbering over each other makes me feel queasy.

MJ said...

Kevin and Molly?

*vomits*

*vomits again thinking about last night's scene, shot between Dev's legs, beckoning Prem's wife Nina back into bed*

Still not as vomit-inducing as Dev and Deirdre in bed though.

Betty said...

MJ - there is probably a whole team of people working on thinking up a new, even more gross Coronation Street couple. While Molly and Kevin behave like dogs on heat, Tyrone finds solace with Pam ...

Fields said...

I'm not going to pretend I understood anything you wrote in that blog, but seeing as our Burridge page is on 'hold' for the moment, I came looking for a quick blog fix! :)

Lost Boy said...

The Pam/ Bill storyline is incredibly tedious and horrifically clumsy. I think the work experience boy must be writing the scripts.

Betty said...

Lost Boy - yes, there have been a few scripts recently that have been cringeworthy. They tend to get worse as the week progresses. Perhaps by the time the worst ones come round on Friday night it's assumed that viewers have had a few drinks and won't mind being subjected to daft "quirky" storylines.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Fields???!
Anyhow, Kevin and Molly!!! Good grief! How creepy is that?!
More Corrie posts pleeeeze.
Sx

Betty said...

Scarlet - judging by the TV listings, Kevin and Molly are set to be going at it like hammer and tongs for at least the next week. I think I may need to psyche myself up or have a stiff drink before watching. Ugh.

Scarlet-Blue said...

Eastenders is worse - Archie and Peggy. Ick. Phil and Dawn???
Sx

Betty said...

Scarlet - I don't watch 'stenders. It would involve too much emotional commitment and a lack of loyalty to The Street.