Monday, 18 May 2009


So, farewell then Scary Mary. You didn't have your evil way with Norris Cole, so all is well and good. The idea that anyone would want to have their evil way with Norris is so abstract that it's impossible to understand. Still, if anyone WAS remotely attempting to get into Norris's knickers, it would be Mary ...

Scary Mary in younger, leaner, hungrier and sexier times.

I'm not sure what Mary's real age is, but mentally she is about 74. Most of us are pathetically attempting to hold back the years ("well, you speak for yourself!" says the blog's only reader). Mary is hurtling towards the grave happily. Having seen her enormous and terrible mother off to the afterlife, she has acquired a camper van and has been dreaming of travelling the world in her twilight years (ie., now, when she's about 38 or summat).

Mary reminds me of the kind of 70+ women who go to BHS on a weekday morning and have an enormous dump which stinks the toilets out for the rest of the day. I think they get a lot of enjoyment from keeping a regular habit. It gives them something to do other than watch This Morning and besides, it means that they don't leave any unpleasant aromas in their own bathroom.

Yep, Mary thinks like a pensioner alright ...

... except that the scriptwriters went into "fringe theatre" mode, and sent her a bit doolally before her exit.

You know what Corrie's fringe theatre scripts are like, don't you? Full of quirky stuff, knowing references and innuendo. You usually have to suffer them on Friday nights, presumably because viewers have had a couple of drinks and can handle the more offbeat vibe.

Suddenly, Mary was throwing herself at Norris, lighting joss sticks to "get rid of any fishy odours" (fnar fnar) and yabbering about Sheena Easton's avant garde hemlines.

WTF? as they say nowadays.

Mary's exit has coincided with the arrival of Norris's "long lost" (soap speak) brother, who naturally has a dark, daaaaark secret.

Come on, we're not that stupid. Anyone over the age of 40 will KNOW WHO HE IS!

... it's Leonard Sachs off of The Good Old Days! Why is that a dark, daaaaaaark secret exactly?


Scarlet-Blue said...

Damn it! I was going to make a comment about Sheena Easton's asymmetrical hemlines!
Leonard Sachs eh? Hmmmm...!

MJ said...

FAREWELL to Scary Mary?

We haven't even met her over here in The Colonies yet!

KAZ said...

er Betty .... I shall whisper this so that MJ doesn't hear ....
Although I must be your only reader who actually saw the first episode when Ken were a lad - I haven't actually seen one for ages.
A while ago I found I just couldn't keep up - what with Mad Men and Being Human and NCIS etc. It was the double dose on a Friday that did it.

So I've nowt to add. But I'll be back.

Geoff said...

Were Leonard Sachs' granddaughter's dance troupe The Dirty Filthy Tarts ever on The Good Old Days?

lom said...

I want scary Mary to Sneak back, kidnap Norris and run away with him to keep him as her sex toy. The street will think he has left because of his brother, who has returned from his job as a waiter. He will then take the place of Norris in the paper shop, but leave to work in the café, because he was only ever happy being a waiter.

Betty said...

Scarlet - I can't even remember Sheena Easton's hemlines, I seem to remember that she wore jumpsuits but I didn't pay attention to her *work* in the Prince era. Leonard Sachs ... this time ... chiefly ... YOURSELVES!

MJ - at least I've given you some insight into her character. Be prepared.

Kaz - in the great scheme of things, it probably doesn't matter. I suppose starting a Corrie blog wasn't a good idea when no-one who blogs actually watches it.

Geoff - yeah, with a young and buxom Sheila Steefal (if that's how you spell it).

Iom - I dunno, I don't think I would want to leave Norris to that sort of fate. He's not that annoying. Leonard Sachs was only ever happy being the MC on The Good Old Days, so I can't see an ideal job placement for him on The Street.